My name is Anna

It's been a long time since I've updated this blog. I guess I'll start off by sharing that I have changed my name from Savanah to Anna. It just seemed right, and I am getting a lot of heat for it. School is going great with only two weeks left of my first term. And get this *woot woot* I only had to pay $200 out of pocket!! God is so good and never ceases to amaze me. My novel has reached 50 pages and I am more excited about it than ever! I have a bunch of thoughts running through my head that I could blog about, but I think I will do some more pondering before I publish them on here. So I am pretty much out of things to say for right now.
<3 <3 <3

Bring my troubles and lay em down

9:15 AM I am sitting in my truck with the heater and radio blaring, sitting in the college campus parking lot. There’s a song playing saying “Bring our troubles and lay em down”. My first week of college is half way through and I will not lie, it’s been terrible! Now don’t be alarmed, classes and school in general are great; more just that life has decided to make me miserable. Everything sorta started Sunday where I had one very upsetting situation with a person, then after that several things fell apart at once. And when I say fell apart, I literally mean my truck fell apart! Tire popped on way to work, engine started smoking while going to Taco Bell, a big and unexplainable dent in the side, and my headlight went out. There have been major problems with certain people, which I don’t care to discuss. But through everything, I think the biggest thing I will always remember about my experience my first week of college is how I have been completely blown away by how amazing my God is.
It’s like that song is saying, any problem I have, I can just lay it down and God will take care of it. I guess that’s the best way to describe the revelation I have had this week. I have been on a journey for several years of learning to fully put my trust in Christ and major mole holes were overcome while believing for funds for Peru. But in some points it was just mimicking the words of my teachers and pastors. Then today it was like some one flipped a switch and all those words were glued together and make total sense. A week ago I had no idea how I was going to pay for school; now I am in student government and they are paying for half! A guy asked me out and through a series of unfortunate events I told him yes, then I don’t know, and then no. I told him yes as an immediate response but immediately felt wrong. After a day of emotions and unrest I knew I needed to tell him no. I couldn’t quite explain what was wrong because he’s a great guy, not to mention gorgeous. When I talked to him I felt like crying, but the words found their way out calmly, kindly and positive. I still cried when the conversation was over but for the first time since he asked me, I felt peace. I know God put the unrest in my to let me know this wasn’t the best for either of us. Then driving to work my tire popped. I stood there on the side of the high way trying to remember what Steve had just taught me a week ago, but I was failing miserably. I said aloud in frustration, “Oh God, help me” then a voice came from behind, “You need some help?” I had to bite my lip to not laugh. A guy saw me and pulled over to give me a hand, and I wasn’t even late for work! That was when it all hit me, “Hey, I asked God to help me and he did.” In every situation this past week I have asked for God’s help and he has given it. So even though this week has been a nightmare from one point of view (there are many ugly situations I have not mentioned), it has also been amazing. I love class, student government, my job, and more than anything I love what God is doing in my life. I am seriously struggling to find the words to describe what’s happening. Everyday I wake I am even more grateful for the decision I made 4yrs ago to accept Christ. He is simply amazing! It has taken me two class breaks to finish this and it’s now 1:31. I needed those breaks to think of how I could word what’s going on. So for friends and family reading to know how I am, I will sum it all up in one sentence. Life is chaotic but I am in God’s hands, and that’s a great place to be! Ha ha ha! The song on the radio right now is Kutless “Sea of faces” What a perfect moment! ;D

Call me crazy

But I think I have made up my mind to write a book. It's been a dream my whole life, and while I was riding my bike this morning a story idea came to me. I think I am gonna run with it. I have a page written so far. Tell me what you think of it!


Her heart raced. Her lungs tightened. Sweat covered her forehead. Her world was spinning in circles. “Jenna!” she cried with panic in her voice, “Jenna Grace where are you? Answer me, please!” A large crowd now gathered around her but they were all a blur. Then from the distance one small boy’s cries stood out from the crowd. “Mommy, Mommy,” he wailed, “he hurt her. The bad man hurt the little girl!” Samantha’s thoughts and visions now centered on the small boy and his words. She ran to him and his mother. She placed both her hands on his shoulders. Tears streaming down her face, she struggled to keep her voice calm. “Have you seen her? Have you seen my little girl? Where is she? What happened?” His blue eyes met her terror stricken green eyes, and then quickly looked back at his mother. “I was playing tag with the little blonde girl. The blue van pulled up, the bad man jumped out and grabbed her. She screamed for her mommy, so he punched her in the face. Her head went down like she fell asleep, and he threw her in the van and drove away!”

“No!” Samantha screamed as she awoke in her bed. It was the same dream again; the nightmare that haunted her for the past twenty two years. This was not just a terrible dream; this was her life. She was twenty five when Jenna was taken. Jenna would be the same age now. All the `if only’s ran through her head. “If only I hadn’t taken her to the park that day. If only I had kept a better eye on her. If I had bought her that popsicle she wanted, she would have been eating, not playing. If only I had taken her to Grandma’s and not to the park. If only I had let stay in the bath even fifteen minutes longer.”
The question of what if would always follow the question of if only. What if Jenna hadn’t been taken? What would she be like now, how tall would she be, would she still be blonde, or what would her personality be like? Would she still be able to find the funny in every situation? Would she still like spending time with her mother? Would she go to University? What would she major in? Or would she have done what Samantha did; graduate high school, marry her sweetheart, spend a few years together, then start a little family.
Samantha’s biggest what if, that consumed her mind every hour of every day, “What if Jenna is still alive?” None of James Sprague’s victims had survived, but Jenna’s body had never been found. Sprague denied ever taking her. Maybe he didn’t. The video surveillance was Jenna with some one who resembled Sprague at the convenience store a state over, but detectives said they could not prove without a reasonable doubt that it was him. What if it was some other man with Jenna, and he still had her, or had given her to some one else?
She flashed back to the first few weeks, when another mother of a missing child had told her not to believe the media really cared. More children would go missing, more murdered, bigger stories would break. And when they lay their heads down at night, their thoughts will not be about Jenna. It was all true. With in weeks Jenna was no longer in the top stories. Six months she was no longer regularly featured, a year and six months Samantha stopped getting requests for interviews. Two years after Samantha was no longer recognized on the street as Jenna’s mom. Now, twenty two years later, no one knew who Jenna Grace Thompson was, no one cared. Once the reporters left, cameras stopped flashing, people stopped searching, investigators stopped investigating, Jenna was still gone. Samantha and Brian had divorced, he remarried six years later; but refused to have another child. Samantha wondered if Brian even cared about Jenna anymore. “Oh Jenna,” she choked on her tears, “Mommy misses you so much. Oh God,” she whispered, “I can’t do this much longer. Please, please just let me die.” She now shouted in anger, “Forty seven years old, minimum wage job, no car, crappy house, no family, no friends! I had everything, everything! Then you took my everything away! I lost everything when you took Jenna from me! You betrayed me! I hate this life, this dark world, I hate everything! Why am I here?! Why did you make me live this life?”
She didn’t know who she was shouting to. Who was to blame? Who should she be angry at? Was it God, the one who kidnapped Jenna, her husband who secretly despised her for losing Jenna, or her so called friends who she never heard from after the first time she was institutionalized?
To be continued

Cats and retarded weather

I am not an animal lover at all, but when the weird weather comes, I dislike my cat even more. Yes it's great having her around, but when she carries on all dramatic, running around the house in a panic, screeching meows in my ear, and yes...hiding IN not near IN the toilet, it gets pretty annoying! We have had many pets in my life, all which have died, and we are now down to just one cat named kitty. This past week it was 100+ degree weather everyday. Today it's cloudy and 63. I wake up and say "Oh wow, it's actually cold out." I go to let the cat inside, and she's like "Oh my god, there's a temperature change, I'm gonna die!!!" She then proceeds to run around the house back and forth back and forth countless times, then suddenly disappears. I think, "Awe she must have calmed down." 15 minutes later I go to use the restroom and am startled as I go to sit down and am greeted with a cat head! She was seriously sitting in the toilet! Now I know what you are thinking, there's something wrong with her, she needs to see a vet. This is not the first time she has done this though, it happens evertime we have a cold day after several hot, or a hot day after several cold. So I pick her up and carry her across the carpet and put her outside on the covered porch and dry her off. I decide to leave her out because she is being so weird. She started moaning and scratching at the door so loud I can hear her half way across the house. I am thinking she must be getting attacked! I run back out and open the door and find it's just her. I say to her "What to you want you freak?!" She stands there staring at me. "You coming in or staying out?" I ask quite irritated at this point. She just sat there staring at me, so I figured she wanted to stay out. I go to shut the door, and she starts moaning again. I start to giggle at this point. I open and she shuts up, I close and she moans, over and over again I did this. Finally I decide to stop being so cruel to her just for a good laugh, I pet her a few times and she gets close and cuddly, then she ran off to play in the yard and has been fine since then. It's funny that no matter where I go, I can always find some one who thinks they have the craziest cat in the world. So I guess the life lesson I have learned today, cats are great for hours of mindless entertainment!

On another note, I got my first letter from my Compassion child, Elizabeth, last night!

This started out as English assignment but turned into letter to self

Blind to the Call
They cheered me on. They told me I could do it. They begged me to do it! Every opportunity to thrive, every opportunity to show what I am made of, all screamed out begging me to rise to the challenge. I ignored them all. They all became part of my past, and added to my list of failures. Once again, I had fallen victim to procrastination. I was Lieutenant Governor this year for Key Club, everything that was required to be done, was done at the last minute so was not nearly as good as it could have been. I didn’t do anything extra. I dropped out of physics; I was failing because I was so behind in my work. I was behind in my work, because I never did it when I was supposed to.
English and US History gave me paper after paper, which every night I would think I need to do this now, then I would ignore the thought and log on to facebook, thinking “Oh, I will do it in an hour.” An hour would turn into two; two hours would turn into two days. I would finally rush to get the paper done, knowing I could have done better, I would turn in the paper half quality and a day late.
I knew I could do better and yet I did not, for this, I am ashamed of myself. I was blind to the call, in that I could not see how bad I needed to do it. But the blind are not deaf. I would lay in bed every night, with deadlines screaming in my ear. “Why! Why! Why?!” they would shout at me, “Why won’t you show the world what you can do?!” I knew the answer, it was laziness and selfishness. I knew what I could do to change the situation; I just simply didn’t do it.
I dream of changing the world, but this year I could not even change my grade. I got myself involved in every opportunity possible, but I only dug my finger nails into the dirt and crawled through the journey. By the end of the journey I was not an achiever and not a world changer, was only barely a survivor.
This year has taught me so much about hard work, yet the only example I have left is what not to do. But I will do different next year; I must do different next year! I am grateful for this year, because it has taught me a harsh lesson on what I must do differently in the future. I am thankful to my teachers, for not forgiving my laziness, instead giving me what I deserve. If they had allowed me to get away with it, I would most likely go the rest of my life only half way, I would spend the rest of my life crippled and always depending on others.
So if I was ever asked to give my advice to the younger crowd, based on what I learned this year, I would have to sum it up in three words, do not procrastinate! Assure yourself that you will be proud of your every grade as you walk up the stage to your graduation. Be a conqueror, not just a survivor. Find a few activities that you are passionate about and go at it with all your heart.
Let passion be what drives every action, not a desire for more stuff to do. Find a passion and put it into every writing assignment, every math assignment, and every conversation. I have had a passion and a dream my whole life, but I let it slip away this year by trying to be passionate about everything. God has given every person a passion, I was not supposed to chase some one else’s. When I lost sight of my vision, I lost a reminder of why I must thrive. Today in writing this paper I have been reminded of what it is I lost, and I hope any one else who reads this will be reminded of what passion they may have put to the side and accidently lost.

Just a little bit of love goes a long long way

You ever wake up with a song playing in your head? It happened to me this morning. A song I have not heard in probably a year or more, it was popular when I was 5. It's a song sang by Rebecca St. James. In it are the lyrics

Just a little bit o'love goes a long, long way. Just a little bit o'love'll make someone's day. Just a little bit o'love, give it away. Just a little bit o'love, c'mon let's all share. Just a little bit o'love, we've got lots to spare. Just a little bit o'love, show them we care. God gives to us hearts full of love.
So now we must give His love to everyone

Well today this song inspired a blog entry. A Peru memory where simple conversation made somebody's day and taught me a very valuable lesson.

It was our 2nd to last day of ministry in Peru. Every morning we would wash hair for villagers then put on the drama after lunch. Being that there was 39 team members and very limited supplies, not every one washed hair. This day I was one that did not. So if we weren't washing hair we were playing with the children, or going in groups knocking on doors inviting people to the drama later in the day. I was with a group of little girls, spinning them in circles. I got worn out after a bit, and told them no more "no mas por favor" I sat down for a little break and started talking with one of the girls, when I felt a gentle slap on my knee. I looked down and there was a little boy, maybe 8 mo., propped up on my knee. I picked him up and about that time his mom came over. My Canadian friend Cameo came over also, she is fluent in Spanish, I am very not!
She spoke a bit with us, I couldn't catch much. I just noticed that Cameo kept repeating "No" and tears started streaming down her face. She took the boy from my arms and gave him back to Mom. Cameo then told me to go to the bus with her to make sandwiches. I was a little confused being that it wasn't lunch time, but went along with it knowing something was up. We made 6 pbj's and then went back to the gal. She handed her baby back to me, Cameo said no again, then some other stuff, then handed her the bag of food. Her jaw dropped. She looked at it, then up at us, the down again, then she looked at her son, and broke out in a loud sob, took her boy back into her arms, crying out something I could understand "Lo siento! Lo siento!" or "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
Our team leader Tim announced it was time for the drama, we walked away from the lady. I turned and said "What on earth was all that?!" Cameo said the lady's husband had been laid off, there was no money, and her baby had not eaten in over a day. She heard I was American and started pleading for me to take him and give him a better life in US. We gave her the food and she was so shocked that we actually cared, then she was horrified that she had just tried to give up her son. I was so blessed when I discovered another friend had a picture of the mom and child on facebook. Here it is.
That day that woman and her whole family were not only fed in the body but also in the spirit. She went back and got her whole family to come watch the drama, and they all came forward to receive Christ! All because of a simple friendly conversation, and a gesture of love with sandwiches on Cameo's part, now a family of 6 has found the eternal living hope of Jesus Christ. Just a little bit of love WILL make somebody's day. It made that family's, and mine!

I am living in the K Zone!

If you don't go to my church then you most likely don't understand the title. The pastor has been preaching that we live in this world but not according to its standard. While the world is in economic crisis, the people of God's kingdom still thrive. I am now living proof of that! I am getting near graduation(20days!!!)and I finally got off my lazy butt and decided to go look for a job. I went out for 3hrs one day and the next day I got a call for an interview. Friday I had an interview and they told me they had several to decide from but they would have a decision by the end of the day. Before I left the building, they came and told me I got the job!! In 2hrs I will be on my way to my first day of work!!
God is good to those who serve Him, and He shall provide their need. Let God move and He will move miraculously!
Blessings!
A working woman, Savanah ♥

Uncertain

That's pretty much how I can wrap up the state of my life right now, uncertain. I thought I was moving out of state, but I'm not. I thought I knew how I was paying for college, but I don't. I thought I knew exactly how my life was gonna go, oh boy! Now I laugh at even the thought. Ya know, when I was 12 I was convinced that by hi school I would have found fame as a superstar singer. Thought I'd be traveling the world finding wealth, fame, romance, adventure. I seriously went through the last quarter of 6th grade thinking my school work didn't matter because soon I would be famous and when you have fame...you don't get homework! Ha ha! Well let's just say I am glad that dream did not come true. So where am I now in reality? I don't really know!! I just found a good part time job working in a nursing home, I will be starting at community college in the fall, and yes...I graduate in 3WEEKS!!!!!! Key Club is over, sports games are over, school outings, dramatic hugs in the hall, and many relationships are now all over. School is near done! The week after that, the Relay for Life will also be over! I am at a point in my life where everything is ending. I now can only see work and church as my life. But I know that endings are just another word for new beginnings. New friends, new adventures, new jokes, and new priceless memories. Although the future is blurry, I do know great things are in store.
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.