Update

In my last post my life was in complete utter chaos. Well, things have improved just a tad. First off I am going to be allowed to stay on ASG on the terms that I will have a better GPA by Spring term. I changed my major to journalism. I have had 4 week of classes now and must say it fits my much better. My hobbies are writing and making videos and that's exactly what I am doing in my classes. I wasn't really fitting in in my classes last term with the nursing students. The only friends I made were in ASG. I went to my classes this term and first day I had ten new friends. Some one asked me today how I am liking my classes. I just laughed and said, "It's like they were made just for me."

Though I walk through the valley

I gotta face it, 2009 has been one of the hardest years of my life. Okay that may be an exaggeration, here's a better way of putting it. 2009 has been the most emotional year of my life. I started off the year with an outbreak of senioritice. I wanted out of high school so bad that I missed out on a lot of fun events just because I did not want to be at the school more than I had to be. I missed getting to ORU by missing 10 points on my SAT scores. I was so crushed. Then I felt convinced that I was going to CCC to turn it upside down and on fire for God. Well, I have had a blast having my beliefs challenged for the first time in my life, and getting to be the goody christian around my new circles, but it wasn't quite such a huge revival as I imagined. May I got my first job as a waitress in a retirement home. I graduated high school and felt on top of the world. I started working more hours and it made it impossible to go to church. Then I felt like one of those people who graduate then never goes to church again. I have been battling with myself over that a lot. Come September I had an idea for a story, I went with it, and now am thinking of publishing when I finish. Then the devastation hit December 16 when I got the results that I flunked 2/3 of my classes in college. Meaning so far my college experience has been a failure. Failing also meant that I lost my scholarship which paid for 1/2 of tuition, I will find out tomorrow if I am kicked out of ASG or not, and I am on probation with federal aid. School starts tomorrow and I do not meet the requirements of the classes I am in because of my failures. I have determined nursing is not what I want to do. I am now thinking some kind of video production. I think maybe that is why I didn't get the scholarship that would have sent me to ORU. Because I didn't know what I was doing yet. It would have cost me a lot in moving expenses and cost ORU a scholarship that could have gone to some one who had it figured out. Maybe once I figure out what I am doing things will be better financially. I have gained 30lbs since January 2009. Mainly because my addiction to facebook and my habit of emotional eating.
What are my goals for 2010? 1. Get better grades. 2. Figure out what I want to do. 3. Lose the 30lbs I gained(200lbs to 170lbs). 4. Finish my book. 5. Publish my book. 6. Get my GPA from 2.4 up to 3.5

Shout!

Some times I wanna scream and shout, wave my hands wildly in the air, and jump up and down. No I am not angry, not stressed, I am just so blown away by the power of Jesus. I catch myself molding into the ordinary, standing in church with my eyes closed hands high and singing loudly praising Jesus; but I am thinking about my chemistry exam. When I have these moments that I really hear the words I am saying with the song and I realize just how true they are. Yes! My God IS mighty to save! Yes! Our God IS an awesome God!
I heard a song on the radio the other day that I have heard many times before. "Open up the doors and let the music play. Let the streets resound with singing. Songs that bring your hope and songs that bring your joy." I thought this day, "Wow, that's how I want my life to be." Wouldn't that be amazing if we all got together and just went nuts?! I would love for people to be like, "Woah, Anna is one crazy Jesus freak"
I tend to be a little dead during the winter season. I don't wear make up as much, don't wear my nicest clothes. I am more sleepy, and sometimes a little grumpy, not to mention it's a little hard to smile when your teeth freeze! I know others are like that too. Isn't it so refreshing when the room is all dull then some one comes in with a smile and energy? It makes the whole place better. I already do my best to always be upbeat, but wouldn't it be great if we were to just dance our way into a room singing praise? I don't know if I'll ever have the guts to do it, but, my thought for the day is that I would like to try and build up my ego to be able too. Cause, ya think about it, God is so cool!!
Last note, my book is almost done!!

My name is Anna

It's been a long time since I've updated this blog. I guess I'll start off by sharing that I have changed my name from Savanah to Anna. It just seemed right, and I am getting a lot of heat for it. School is going great with only two weeks left of my first term. And get this *woot woot* I only had to pay $200 out of pocket!! God is so good and never ceases to amaze me. My novel has reached 50 pages and I am more excited about it than ever! I have a bunch of thoughts running through my head that I could blog about, but I think I will do some more pondering before I publish them on here. So I am pretty much out of things to say for right now.
<3 <3 <3

Bring my troubles and lay em down

9:15 AM I am sitting in my truck with the heater and radio blaring, sitting in the college campus parking lot. There’s a song playing saying “Bring our troubles and lay em down”. My first week of college is half way through and I will not lie, it’s been terrible! Now don’t be alarmed, classes and school in general are great; more just that life has decided to make me miserable. Everything sorta started Sunday where I had one very upsetting situation with a person, then after that several things fell apart at once. And when I say fell apart, I literally mean my truck fell apart! Tire popped on way to work, engine started smoking while going to Taco Bell, a big and unexplainable dent in the side, and my headlight went out. There have been major problems with certain people, which I don’t care to discuss. But through everything, I think the biggest thing I will always remember about my experience my first week of college is how I have been completely blown away by how amazing my God is.
It’s like that song is saying, any problem I have, I can just lay it down and God will take care of it. I guess that’s the best way to describe the revelation I have had this week. I have been on a journey for several years of learning to fully put my trust in Christ and major mole holes were overcome while believing for funds for Peru. But in some points it was just mimicking the words of my teachers and pastors. Then today it was like some one flipped a switch and all those words were glued together and make total sense. A week ago I had no idea how I was going to pay for school; now I am in student government and they are paying for half! A guy asked me out and through a series of unfortunate events I told him yes, then I don’t know, and then no. I told him yes as an immediate response but immediately felt wrong. After a day of emotions and unrest I knew I needed to tell him no. I couldn’t quite explain what was wrong because he’s a great guy, not to mention gorgeous. When I talked to him I felt like crying, but the words found their way out calmly, kindly and positive. I still cried when the conversation was over but for the first time since he asked me, I felt peace. I know God put the unrest in my to let me know this wasn’t the best for either of us. Then driving to work my tire popped. I stood there on the side of the high way trying to remember what Steve had just taught me a week ago, but I was failing miserably. I said aloud in frustration, “Oh God, help me” then a voice came from behind, “You need some help?” I had to bite my lip to not laugh. A guy saw me and pulled over to give me a hand, and I wasn’t even late for work! That was when it all hit me, “Hey, I asked God to help me and he did.” In every situation this past week I have asked for God’s help and he has given it. So even though this week has been a nightmare from one point of view (there are many ugly situations I have not mentioned), it has also been amazing. I love class, student government, my job, and more than anything I love what God is doing in my life. I am seriously struggling to find the words to describe what’s happening. Everyday I wake I am even more grateful for the decision I made 4yrs ago to accept Christ. He is simply amazing! It has taken me two class breaks to finish this and it’s now 1:31. I needed those breaks to think of how I could word what’s going on. So for friends and family reading to know how I am, I will sum it all up in one sentence. Life is chaotic but I am in God’s hands, and that’s a great place to be! Ha ha ha! The song on the radio right now is Kutless “Sea of faces” What a perfect moment! ;D

Call me crazy

But I think I have made up my mind to write a book. It's been a dream my whole life, and while I was riding my bike this morning a story idea came to me. I think I am gonna run with it. I have a page written so far. Tell me what you think of it!


Her heart raced. Her lungs tightened. Sweat covered her forehead. Her world was spinning in circles. “Jenna!” she cried with panic in her voice, “Jenna Grace where are you? Answer me, please!” A large crowd now gathered around her but they were all a blur. Then from the distance one small boy’s cries stood out from the crowd. “Mommy, Mommy,” he wailed, “he hurt her. The bad man hurt the little girl!” Samantha’s thoughts and visions now centered on the small boy and his words. She ran to him and his mother. She placed both her hands on his shoulders. Tears streaming down her face, she struggled to keep her voice calm. “Have you seen her? Have you seen my little girl? Where is she? What happened?” His blue eyes met her terror stricken green eyes, and then quickly looked back at his mother. “I was playing tag with the little blonde girl. The blue van pulled up, the bad man jumped out and grabbed her. She screamed for her mommy, so he punched her in the face. Her head went down like she fell asleep, and he threw her in the van and drove away!”

“No!” Samantha screamed as she awoke in her bed. It was the same dream again; the nightmare that haunted her for the past twenty two years. This was not just a terrible dream; this was her life. She was twenty five when Jenna was taken. Jenna would be the same age now. All the `if only’s ran through her head. “If only I hadn’t taken her to the park that day. If only I had kept a better eye on her. If I had bought her that popsicle she wanted, she would have been eating, not playing. If only I had taken her to Grandma’s and not to the park. If only I had let stay in the bath even fifteen minutes longer.”
The question of what if would always follow the question of if only. What if Jenna hadn’t been taken? What would she be like now, how tall would she be, would she still be blonde, or what would her personality be like? Would she still be able to find the funny in every situation? Would she still like spending time with her mother? Would she go to University? What would she major in? Or would she have done what Samantha did; graduate high school, marry her sweetheart, spend a few years together, then start a little family.
Samantha’s biggest what if, that consumed her mind every hour of every day, “What if Jenna is still alive?” None of James Sprague’s victims had survived, but Jenna’s body had never been found. Sprague denied ever taking her. Maybe he didn’t. The video surveillance was Jenna with some one who resembled Sprague at the convenience store a state over, but detectives said they could not prove without a reasonable doubt that it was him. What if it was some other man with Jenna, and he still had her, or had given her to some one else?
She flashed back to the first few weeks, when another mother of a missing child had told her not to believe the media really cared. More children would go missing, more murdered, bigger stories would break. And when they lay their heads down at night, their thoughts will not be about Jenna. It was all true. With in weeks Jenna was no longer in the top stories. Six months she was no longer regularly featured, a year and six months Samantha stopped getting requests for interviews. Two years after Samantha was no longer recognized on the street as Jenna’s mom. Now, twenty two years later, no one knew who Jenna Grace Thompson was, no one cared. Once the reporters left, cameras stopped flashing, people stopped searching, investigators stopped investigating, Jenna was still gone. Samantha and Brian had divorced, he remarried six years later; but refused to have another child. Samantha wondered if Brian even cared about Jenna anymore. “Oh Jenna,” she choked on her tears, “Mommy misses you so much. Oh God,” she whispered, “I can’t do this much longer. Please, please just let me die.” She now shouted in anger, “Forty seven years old, minimum wage job, no car, crappy house, no family, no friends! I had everything, everything! Then you took my everything away! I lost everything when you took Jenna from me! You betrayed me! I hate this life, this dark world, I hate everything! Why am I here?! Why did you make me live this life?”
She didn’t know who she was shouting to. Who was to blame? Who should she be angry at? Was it God, the one who kidnapped Jenna, her husband who secretly despised her for losing Jenna, or her so called friends who she never heard from after the first time she was institutionalized?
To be continued

Cats and retarded weather

I am not an animal lover at all, but when the weird weather comes, I dislike my cat even more. Yes it's great having her around, but when she carries on all dramatic, running around the house in a panic, screeching meows in my ear, and yes...hiding IN not near IN the toilet, it gets pretty annoying! We have had many pets in my life, all which have died, and we are now down to just one cat named kitty. This past week it was 100+ degree weather everyday. Today it's cloudy and 63. I wake up and say "Oh wow, it's actually cold out." I go to let the cat inside, and she's like "Oh my god, there's a temperature change, I'm gonna die!!!" She then proceeds to run around the house back and forth back and forth countless times, then suddenly disappears. I think, "Awe she must have calmed down." 15 minutes later I go to use the restroom and am startled as I go to sit down and am greeted with a cat head! She was seriously sitting in the toilet! Now I know what you are thinking, there's something wrong with her, she needs to see a vet. This is not the first time she has done this though, it happens evertime we have a cold day after several hot, or a hot day after several cold. So I pick her up and carry her across the carpet and put her outside on the covered porch and dry her off. I decide to leave her out because she is being so weird. She started moaning and scratching at the door so loud I can hear her half way across the house. I am thinking she must be getting attacked! I run back out and open the door and find it's just her. I say to her "What to you want you freak?!" She stands there staring at me. "You coming in or staying out?" I ask quite irritated at this point. She just sat there staring at me, so I figured she wanted to stay out. I go to shut the door, and she starts moaning again. I start to giggle at this point. I open and she shuts up, I close and she moans, over and over again I did this. Finally I decide to stop being so cruel to her just for a good laugh, I pet her a few times and she gets close and cuddly, then she ran off to play in the yard and has been fine since then. It's funny that no matter where I go, I can always find some one who thinks they have the craziest cat in the world. So I guess the life lesson I have learned today, cats are great for hours of mindless entertainment!

On another note, I got my first letter from my Compassion child, Elizabeth, last night!

This started out as English assignment but turned into letter to self

Blind to the Call
They cheered me on. They told me I could do it. They begged me to do it! Every opportunity to thrive, every opportunity to show what I am made of, all screamed out begging me to rise to the challenge. I ignored them all. They all became part of my past, and added to my list of failures. Once again, I had fallen victim to procrastination. I was Lieutenant Governor this year for Key Club, everything that was required to be done, was done at the last minute so was not nearly as good as it could have been. I didn’t do anything extra. I dropped out of physics; I was failing because I was so behind in my work. I was behind in my work, because I never did it when I was supposed to.
English and US History gave me paper after paper, which every night I would think I need to do this now, then I would ignore the thought and log on to facebook, thinking “Oh, I will do it in an hour.” An hour would turn into two; two hours would turn into two days. I would finally rush to get the paper done, knowing I could have done better, I would turn in the paper half quality and a day late.
I knew I could do better and yet I did not, for this, I am ashamed of myself. I was blind to the call, in that I could not see how bad I needed to do it. But the blind are not deaf. I would lay in bed every night, with deadlines screaming in my ear. “Why! Why! Why?!” they would shout at me, “Why won’t you show the world what you can do?!” I knew the answer, it was laziness and selfishness. I knew what I could do to change the situation; I just simply didn’t do it.
I dream of changing the world, but this year I could not even change my grade. I got myself involved in every opportunity possible, but I only dug my finger nails into the dirt and crawled through the journey. By the end of the journey I was not an achiever and not a world changer, was only barely a survivor.
This year has taught me so much about hard work, yet the only example I have left is what not to do. But I will do different next year; I must do different next year! I am grateful for this year, because it has taught me a harsh lesson on what I must do differently in the future. I am thankful to my teachers, for not forgiving my laziness, instead giving me what I deserve. If they had allowed me to get away with it, I would most likely go the rest of my life only half way, I would spend the rest of my life crippled and always depending on others.
So if I was ever asked to give my advice to the younger crowd, based on what I learned this year, I would have to sum it up in three words, do not procrastinate! Assure yourself that you will be proud of your every grade as you walk up the stage to your graduation. Be a conqueror, not just a survivor. Find a few activities that you are passionate about and go at it with all your heart.
Let passion be what drives every action, not a desire for more stuff to do. Find a passion and put it into every writing assignment, every math assignment, and every conversation. I have had a passion and a dream my whole life, but I let it slip away this year by trying to be passionate about everything. God has given every person a passion, I was not supposed to chase some one else’s. When I lost sight of my vision, I lost a reminder of why I must thrive. Today in writing this paper I have been reminded of what it is I lost, and I hope any one else who reads this will be reminded of what passion they may have put to the side and accidently lost.