This time last year I was setting new year's resolution. I was at 190 and wanted to get down to 160. I wrote a few blogs about it, but kept getting bigger. Now, almost a year later, I am 210... yes, 2 freaking 10! Only 5lbs lighter than I've ever been.My BMI is 29.7, that's only 0.3 below the obese line. In 2005-2006 I went from 215 to 170 and maintained it for a year and a half, then it slowly started creeping back. Now it is all back. The only difference is that I hate it even more the second time around. I have always been a big girl, I never really knew what it felt like to be skinny until I lost the weight. Now that it is back I notice it a lot more and it makes me miserable. It feels like I wanna just shove the fat off me. Like it feels when some one grabs onto your arm. It gets annoying and you want to pull their hand off. I go to sit in my car, and I think I sat on top of a sweater or something. I go to pull it out and all I get is my butt. I lay on my back in bed, and something under my chin is causing annoying pressure. I try to grab at it to stop, and all I do is pull at my chin. When I let go it does it again. Finally the weight of my chin on my throat get so annoying, I end up turning over and sleeping on my side.
I had all these things the 1st time around, but I never noticed because it had always been there. Now I am miserable, feeling and noticing it all. I made a video of me and my friends at the mall. I saw my back side and thought I looked a lot like an older woman I know. Then I realized, "Oh crap, my back side looks like a 60 yr old mother of 5." I am only about to hit 20, I shouldn't look and feel this old! I've gotta lose this. I gotta get this annoying flab off of me.
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