Tuesday, June 2, 2009

This started out as English assignment but turned into letter to self

Blind to the Call
They cheered me on. They told me I could do it. They begged me to do it! Every opportunity to thrive, every opportunity to show what I am made of, all screamed out begging me to rise to the challenge. I ignored them all. They all became part of my past, and added to my list of failures. Once again, I had fallen victim to procrastination. I was Lieutenant Governor this year for Key Club, everything that was required to be done, was done at the last minute so was not nearly as good as it could have been. I didn’t do anything extra. I dropped out of physics; I was failing because I was so behind in my work. I was behind in my work, because I never did it when I was supposed to.
English and US History gave me paper after paper, which every night I would think I need to do this now, then I would ignore the thought and log on to facebook, thinking “Oh, I will do it in an hour.” An hour would turn into two; two hours would turn into two days. I would finally rush to get the paper done, knowing I could have done better, I would turn in the paper half quality and a day late.
I knew I could do better and yet I did not, for this, I am ashamed of myself. I was blind to the call, in that I could not see how bad I needed to do it. But the blind are not deaf. I would lay in bed every night, with deadlines screaming in my ear. “Why! Why! Why?!” they would shout at me, “Why won’t you show the world what you can do?!” I knew the answer, it was laziness and selfishness. I knew what I could do to change the situation; I just simply didn’t do it.
I dream of changing the world, but this year I could not even change my grade. I got myself involved in every opportunity possible, but I only dug my finger nails into the dirt and crawled through the journey. By the end of the journey I was not an achiever and not a world changer, was only barely a survivor.
This year has taught me so much about hard work, yet the only example I have left is what not to do. But I will do different next year; I must do different next year! I am grateful for this year, because it has taught me a harsh lesson on what I must do differently in the future. I am thankful to my teachers, for not forgiving my laziness, instead giving me what I deserve. If they had allowed me to get away with it, I would most likely go the rest of my life only half way, I would spend the rest of my life crippled and always depending on others.
So if I was ever asked to give my advice to the younger crowd, based on what I learned this year, I would have to sum it up in three words, do not procrastinate! Assure yourself that you will be proud of your every grade as you walk up the stage to your graduation. Be a conqueror, not just a survivor. Find a few activities that you are passionate about and go at it with all your heart.
Let passion be what drives every action, not a desire for more stuff to do. Find a passion and put it into every writing assignment, every math assignment, and every conversation. I have had a passion and a dream my whole life, but I let it slip away this year by trying to be passionate about everything. God has given every person a passion, I was not supposed to chase some one else’s. When I lost sight of my vision, I lost a reminder of why I must thrive. Today in writing this paper I have been reminded of what it is I lost, and I hope any one else who reads this will be reminded of what passion they may have put to the side and accidently lost.

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