20 Hilarious Facebook Pages (cause you know they're true)

In 2010 there was a massive fad with creating Facebook fan pages. I got such a kick out of it! Everything imaginable; there was a page for. It showed me a lot of things I do and think on a regular basis, but never noticed.
Here are 20 pages that made me laugh out loud:



1. Laughing so hard you clap like a retarded seal
2. When I see someone walking by me at night, I assume they’re going to kill me
3. Hate when nobody comments on your awesomely thought up status
4. You've been dating for 2 days - you don't love each other. Shut up.
5. I can't just push the crosswalk button once. I need to push it like 6 times
6. That moment your heart stops when your chair tilts back too far
7. The mini heart attack you get when you miss a step going down the stairs.
8. I have a bad habit of laughing at inappropriate moments
9. It's winter and you're orange. Something just doesn't seem right here.
10. The Mini Spaz Attack When Your In Bed, Half Asleep And Imagine Your Falling
11. Awkward eye contact with people in cars next to you at red lights
12. If Guns Kill People, Do Pencils Misspell Words?
13. I hate it when I'm making a milkshake and boys just show up in my yard
14. You need to discipline your kid before I punch them in the face
15. Thinking of someone when you become a fan of something.
16. How do bus drivers close the door after they get off the bus
17. That mood where everything seems hysterically funny
18. Awkwardly Trying to Run With a Backpack
19. Lowering the music when looking for a street address so I can see better
20. ''Batteries not included'' ruined Christmas day

25 things to do at Walmart

I have been working at a place across the street from Walmart for two years. That being, I have spent much of my break killing time in wally. Walmart is one of my most favorite places in the world because I am always guaranteed to laugh at something; whether it be the price of a product or the person buying the product.
I have compiled a list of things I have thought of doing. Sadly I must confess I have not yet done any of them.
Here we go!


1. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying “Good girl, good Nettie."
2. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially in thin narrow aisles.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
4. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes as high as possible.
5. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
6. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
7. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day
8. Change all the clocks in the isle to be an hour off. (It will make other patrons internal clock be off the rest of the day.)
9. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
10. Grab stickers that say “radioactive" and put them randomly on food items.
11. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
12. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
13. Say thing like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
14. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices
15. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they don't realize it.

16. When people aren't looking, put tampons in their carts if they are a guy, or if they are a girl, put in a jock strap.
17. Rearrange items as you see fit.
18. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
20. Put M & M's on layaway.
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
23. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
24. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
25. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

25 things to do at McDonald's

People loved my last post. So I thought I would post another list of 25 things.
Here are 25 funny things to do at McDonald's. Most of these are things I have witnessed. I have done a few of these things, others I have only heard stories of. In my opinion McDonald's and Walmart are the two places in the world where you can act as weird as you want, and fit right in.

1. Sit in a corner and pretend like you’re making out with yourself. (This works even better when 2 people are doing it separately.)

2. Pay entirely in pennies.

3. Tell them you require three copies of the receipt for filing reasons.

4. Order a shake, and tell them you want bacon with it. If they say no, complain loudly for others to hear, and scream out, "I guess you really don't wana see me smile do you, because right now I don't exactly feel like smiling in light of the extenuating circumstances!"

5. Ask to see the manager, then complain to him about all of life’s problems. If they don’t let you talk to the manager, walk out muttering, “You're gonna be reading about this in the papers.”

6. While you’re in line, jump up and down like you’re having a spazz attack and scream repeatedly, “YO QUIERO TACO BELL!”

7. Sell White Castle food in the restrooms. Then when people get food poisoning you can blame it on McDonald’s.

8. Walk in wearing a Burger King hat. (Great when 3 or 4 people do this at the same time.)

9. Bring in a fart machine and keep setting it off, meanwhile making comments like, “Man, I knew I shouldn’t have eaten here.”

10. Return your food and tell them you’re allergic to nuclear waste mixed with gasoline byproducts.

11. Bring in a video camera and tell them they’re live on 20/20. (You should see the looks on their faces!)

12. Stand on a table with a megaphone and whenever somebody complains say, “This isn’t Burger King, you can’t have it your way.”

13. Flood the soda fountain machine. (It’s more interesting than flooding toilets.)

14. Walk to the drive-thru window and order. (If you really wanna tick ‘em off, skateboard.)

15. Take about 30 or so straws and blow all the wrappers at people. If anyone gives you a look, act a bit too innocent.

16. Speak gibberish, and act confused when they try to tell you that they don’t know how to speak gibberish too.

17. Chuck something at one of the employees. (I bet you five bucks they chuck it back.)

18. Chuck Skittles, M&Ms, or other small candy back into the cooking area.

19. Take two bites out of your burger, then tell the employee it’s cold and ask for a new one. Then repeat. And repeat. And repeat.”

20. Act like a schizo while you’re ordering. (“I’ll have a cheeseburger.” “No, chicken nuggets!” “Cheeseburger!”) Slap yourself to make it look convincing.

21. Climb on top the Play Place. When they tell you to come down, fall off and pretend your hurt, then threaten to sue.

22. When it’s your turn to order, start a conversation with the employee. Ask them how was their day, etc. When someone gets ticked and calls for the manager, scram, or start a conversation with him too.

23. Try to stuff your coins sideways into the charity box. Then when they don’t fit, start complaining loudly about how McDonald’s is so greedy and how they’re ripping off their charities. (Act really outraged about it.)

24. Try to bribe an employee for cheaper food. (Keep any food they give you.)

25. Walk in and go sit down in a seat, then grab the little table advertisement thingy, (you know what I'm talking about, the triangular thingy by the salt and pepper, yeah that.) Well look at it turning it over and over and then say defiantly, "I know what I'm going to order, I'm ready!" After about five minutes, scream out, "Waiter!" Then after about five more minutes get up, and stomp out of the restaurant with the advertisement thingy. Then turn arround, come back in, and throw the advertisement thingy at the cashier and yell, "Your service sucks! You just lost yourself a customer, you hear that! A customer! Your not gonna see me smile!"

25 things I have thought (FUNNY)

Here are 25 things I have thought, that I think may be very common:


1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on # 5.
I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray?

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

24.When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

25.When you fall, I'll pick you up and dust you off-- After I laugh!!!