Shout!

Some times I wanna scream and shout, wave my hands wildly in the air, and jump up and down. No I am not angry, not stressed, I am just so blown away by the power of Jesus. I catch myself molding into the ordinary, standing in church with my eyes closed hands high and singing loudly praising Jesus; but I am thinking about my chemistry exam. When I have these moments that I really hear the words I am saying with the song and I realize just how true they are. Yes! My God IS mighty to save! Yes! Our God IS an awesome God!
I heard a song on the radio the other day that I have heard many times before. "Open up the doors and let the music play. Let the streets resound with singing. Songs that bring your hope and songs that bring your joy." I thought this day, "Wow, that's how I want my life to be." Wouldn't that be amazing if we all got together and just went nuts?! I would love for people to be like, "Woah, Anna is one crazy Jesus freak"
I tend to be a little dead during the winter season. I don't wear make up as much, don't wear my nicest clothes. I am more sleepy, and sometimes a little grumpy, not to mention it's a little hard to smile when your teeth freeze! I know others are like that too. Isn't it so refreshing when the room is all dull then some one comes in with a smile and energy? It makes the whole place better. I already do my best to always be upbeat, but wouldn't it be great if we were to just dance our way into a room singing praise? I don't know if I'll ever have the guts to do it, but, my thought for the day is that I would like to try and build up my ego to be able too. Cause, ya think about it, God is so cool!!
Last note, my book is almost done!!

My name is Anna

It's been a long time since I've updated this blog. I guess I'll start off by sharing that I have changed my name from Savanah to Anna. It just seemed right, and I am getting a lot of heat for it. School is going great with only two weeks left of my first term. And get this *woot woot* I only had to pay $200 out of pocket!! God is so good and never ceases to amaze me. My novel has reached 50 pages and I am more excited about it than ever! I have a bunch of thoughts running through my head that I could blog about, but I think I will do some more pondering before I publish them on here. So I am pretty much out of things to say for right now.
<3 <3 <3

Bring my troubles and lay em down

9:15 AM I am sitting in my truck with the heater and radio blaring, sitting in the college campus parking lot. There’s a song playing saying “Bring our troubles and lay em down”. My first week of college is half way through and I will not lie, it’s been terrible! Now don’t be alarmed, classes and school in general are great; more just that life has decided to make me miserable. Everything sorta started Sunday where I had one very upsetting situation with a person, then after that several things fell apart at once. And when I say fell apart, I literally mean my truck fell apart! Tire popped on way to work, engine started smoking while going to Taco Bell, a big and unexplainable dent in the side, and my headlight went out. There have been major problems with certain people, which I don’t care to discuss. But through everything, I think the biggest thing I will always remember about my experience my first week of college is how I have been completely blown away by how amazing my God is.
It’s like that song is saying, any problem I have, I can just lay it down and God will take care of it. I guess that’s the best way to describe the revelation I have had this week. I have been on a journey for several years of learning to fully put my trust in Christ and major mole holes were overcome while believing for funds for Peru. But in some points it was just mimicking the words of my teachers and pastors. Then today it was like some one flipped a switch and all those words were glued together and make total sense. A week ago I had no idea how I was going to pay for school; now I am in student government and they are paying for half! A guy asked me out and through a series of unfortunate events I told him yes, then I don’t know, and then no. I told him yes as an immediate response but immediately felt wrong. After a day of emotions and unrest I knew I needed to tell him no. I couldn’t quite explain what was wrong because he’s a great guy, not to mention gorgeous. When I talked to him I felt like crying, but the words found their way out calmly, kindly and positive. I still cried when the conversation was over but for the first time since he asked me, I felt peace. I know God put the unrest in my to let me know this wasn’t the best for either of us. Then driving to work my tire popped. I stood there on the side of the high way trying to remember what Steve had just taught me a week ago, but I was failing miserably. I said aloud in frustration, “Oh God, help me” then a voice came from behind, “You need some help?” I had to bite my lip to not laugh. A guy saw me and pulled over to give me a hand, and I wasn’t even late for work! That was when it all hit me, “Hey, I asked God to help me and he did.” In every situation this past week I have asked for God’s help and he has given it. So even though this week has been a nightmare from one point of view (there are many ugly situations I have not mentioned), it has also been amazing. I love class, student government, my job, and more than anything I love what God is doing in my life. I am seriously struggling to find the words to describe what’s happening. Everyday I wake I am even more grateful for the decision I made 4yrs ago to accept Christ. He is simply amazing! It has taken me two class breaks to finish this and it’s now 1:31. I needed those breaks to think of how I could word what’s going on. So for friends and family reading to know how I am, I will sum it all up in one sentence. Life is chaotic but I am in God’s hands, and that’s a great place to be! Ha ha ha! The song on the radio right now is Kutless “Sea of faces” What a perfect moment! ;D

Call me crazy

But I think I have made up my mind to write a book. It's been a dream my whole life, and while I was riding my bike this morning a story idea came to me. I think I am gonna run with it. I have a page written so far. Tell me what you think of it!


Her heart raced. Her lungs tightened. Sweat covered her forehead. Her world was spinning in circles. “Jenna!” she cried with panic in her voice, “Jenna Grace where are you? Answer me, please!” A large crowd now gathered around her but they were all a blur. Then from the distance one small boy’s cries stood out from the crowd. “Mommy, Mommy,” he wailed, “he hurt her. The bad man hurt the little girl!” Samantha’s thoughts and visions now centered on the small boy and his words. She ran to him and his mother. She placed both her hands on his shoulders. Tears streaming down her face, she struggled to keep her voice calm. “Have you seen her? Have you seen my little girl? Where is she? What happened?” His blue eyes met her terror stricken green eyes, and then quickly looked back at his mother. “I was playing tag with the little blonde girl. The blue van pulled up, the bad man jumped out and grabbed her. She screamed for her mommy, so he punched her in the face. Her head went down like she fell asleep, and he threw her in the van and drove away!”

“No!” Samantha screamed as she awoke in her bed. It was the same dream again; the nightmare that haunted her for the past twenty two years. This was not just a terrible dream; this was her life. She was twenty five when Jenna was taken. Jenna would be the same age now. All the `if only’s ran through her head. “If only I hadn’t taken her to the park that day. If only I had kept a better eye on her. If I had bought her that popsicle she wanted, she would have been eating, not playing. If only I had taken her to Grandma’s and not to the park. If only I had let stay in the bath even fifteen minutes longer.”
The question of what if would always follow the question of if only. What if Jenna hadn’t been taken? What would she be like now, how tall would she be, would she still be blonde, or what would her personality be like? Would she still be able to find the funny in every situation? Would she still like spending time with her mother? Would she go to University? What would she major in? Or would she have done what Samantha did; graduate high school, marry her sweetheart, spend a few years together, then start a little family.
Samantha’s biggest what if, that consumed her mind every hour of every day, “What if Jenna is still alive?” None of James Sprague’s victims had survived, but Jenna’s body had never been found. Sprague denied ever taking her. Maybe he didn’t. The video surveillance was Jenna with some one who resembled Sprague at the convenience store a state over, but detectives said they could not prove without a reasonable doubt that it was him. What if it was some other man with Jenna, and he still had her, or had given her to some one else?
She flashed back to the first few weeks, when another mother of a missing child had told her not to believe the media really cared. More children would go missing, more murdered, bigger stories would break. And when they lay their heads down at night, their thoughts will not be about Jenna. It was all true. With in weeks Jenna was no longer in the top stories. Six months she was no longer regularly featured, a year and six months Samantha stopped getting requests for interviews. Two years after Samantha was no longer recognized on the street as Jenna’s mom. Now, twenty two years later, no one knew who Jenna Grace Thompson was, no one cared. Once the reporters left, cameras stopped flashing, people stopped searching, investigators stopped investigating, Jenna was still gone. Samantha and Brian had divorced, he remarried six years later; but refused to have another child. Samantha wondered if Brian even cared about Jenna anymore. “Oh Jenna,” she choked on her tears, “Mommy misses you so much. Oh God,” she whispered, “I can’t do this much longer. Please, please just let me die.” She now shouted in anger, “Forty seven years old, minimum wage job, no car, crappy house, no family, no friends! I had everything, everything! Then you took my everything away! I lost everything when you took Jenna from me! You betrayed me! I hate this life, this dark world, I hate everything! Why am I here?! Why did you make me live this life?”
She didn’t know who she was shouting to. Who was to blame? Who should she be angry at? Was it God, the one who kidnapped Jenna, her husband who secretly despised her for losing Jenna, or her so called friends who she never heard from after the first time she was institutionalized?
To be continued

Cats and retarded weather

I am not an animal lover at all, but when the weird weather comes, I dislike my cat even more. Yes it's great having her around, but when she carries on all dramatic, running around the house in a panic, screeching meows in my ear, and yes...hiding IN not near IN the toilet, it gets pretty annoying! We have had many pets in my life, all which have died, and we are now down to just one cat named kitty. This past week it was 100+ degree weather everyday. Today it's cloudy and 63. I wake up and say "Oh wow, it's actually cold out." I go to let the cat inside, and she's like "Oh my god, there's a temperature change, I'm gonna die!!!" She then proceeds to run around the house back and forth back and forth countless times, then suddenly disappears. I think, "Awe she must have calmed down." 15 minutes later I go to use the restroom and am startled as I go to sit down and am greeted with a cat head! She was seriously sitting in the toilet! Now I know what you are thinking, there's something wrong with her, she needs to see a vet. This is not the first time she has done this though, it happens evertime we have a cold day after several hot, or a hot day after several cold. So I pick her up and carry her across the carpet and put her outside on the covered porch and dry her off. I decide to leave her out because she is being so weird. She started moaning and scratching at the door so loud I can hear her half way across the house. I am thinking she must be getting attacked! I run back out and open the door and find it's just her. I say to her "What to you want you freak?!" She stands there staring at me. "You coming in or staying out?" I ask quite irritated at this point. She just sat there staring at me, so I figured she wanted to stay out. I go to shut the door, and she starts moaning again. I start to giggle at this point. I open and she shuts up, I close and she moans, over and over again I did this. Finally I decide to stop being so cruel to her just for a good laugh, I pet her a few times and she gets close and cuddly, then she ran off to play in the yard and has been fine since then. It's funny that no matter where I go, I can always find some one who thinks they have the craziest cat in the world. So I guess the life lesson I have learned today, cats are great for hours of mindless entertainment!

On another note, I got my first letter from my Compassion child, Elizabeth, last night!

This started out as English assignment but turned into letter to self

Blind to the Call
They cheered me on. They told me I could do it. They begged me to do it! Every opportunity to thrive, every opportunity to show what I am made of, all screamed out begging me to rise to the challenge. I ignored them all. They all became part of my past, and added to my list of failures. Once again, I had fallen victim to procrastination. I was Lieutenant Governor this year for Key Club, everything that was required to be done, was done at the last minute so was not nearly as good as it could have been. I didn’t do anything extra. I dropped out of physics; I was failing because I was so behind in my work. I was behind in my work, because I never did it when I was supposed to.
English and US History gave me paper after paper, which every night I would think I need to do this now, then I would ignore the thought and log on to facebook, thinking “Oh, I will do it in an hour.” An hour would turn into two; two hours would turn into two days. I would finally rush to get the paper done, knowing I could have done better, I would turn in the paper half quality and a day late.
I knew I could do better and yet I did not, for this, I am ashamed of myself. I was blind to the call, in that I could not see how bad I needed to do it. But the blind are not deaf. I would lay in bed every night, with deadlines screaming in my ear. “Why! Why! Why?!” they would shout at me, “Why won’t you show the world what you can do?!” I knew the answer, it was laziness and selfishness. I knew what I could do to change the situation; I just simply didn’t do it.
I dream of changing the world, but this year I could not even change my grade. I got myself involved in every opportunity possible, but I only dug my finger nails into the dirt and crawled through the journey. By the end of the journey I was not an achiever and not a world changer, was only barely a survivor.
This year has taught me so much about hard work, yet the only example I have left is what not to do. But I will do different next year; I must do different next year! I am grateful for this year, because it has taught me a harsh lesson on what I must do differently in the future. I am thankful to my teachers, for not forgiving my laziness, instead giving me what I deserve. If they had allowed me to get away with it, I would most likely go the rest of my life only half way, I would spend the rest of my life crippled and always depending on others.
So if I was ever asked to give my advice to the younger crowd, based on what I learned this year, I would have to sum it up in three words, do not procrastinate! Assure yourself that you will be proud of your every grade as you walk up the stage to your graduation. Be a conqueror, not just a survivor. Find a few activities that you are passionate about and go at it with all your heart.
Let passion be what drives every action, not a desire for more stuff to do. Find a passion and put it into every writing assignment, every math assignment, and every conversation. I have had a passion and a dream my whole life, but I let it slip away this year by trying to be passionate about everything. God has given every person a passion, I was not supposed to chase some one else’s. When I lost sight of my vision, I lost a reminder of why I must thrive. Today in writing this paper I have been reminded of what it is I lost, and I hope any one else who reads this will be reminded of what passion they may have put to the side and accidently lost.

Just a little bit of love goes a long long way

You ever wake up with a song playing in your head? It happened to me this morning. A song I have not heard in probably a year or more, it was popular when I was 5. It's a song sang by Rebecca St. James. In it are the lyrics

Just a little bit o'love goes a long, long way. Just a little bit o'love'll make someone's day. Just a little bit o'love, give it away. Just a little bit o'love, c'mon let's all share. Just a little bit o'love, we've got lots to spare. Just a little bit o'love, show them we care. God gives to us hearts full of love.
So now we must give His love to everyone

Well today this song inspired a blog entry. A Peru memory where simple conversation made somebody's day and taught me a very valuable lesson.

It was our 2nd to last day of ministry in Peru. Every morning we would wash hair for villagers then put on the drama after lunch. Being that there was 39 team members and very limited supplies, not every one washed hair. This day I was one that did not. So if we weren't washing hair we were playing with the children, or going in groups knocking on doors inviting people to the drama later in the day. I was with a group of little girls, spinning them in circles. I got worn out after a bit, and told them no more "no mas por favor" I sat down for a little break and started talking with one of the girls, when I felt a gentle slap on my knee. I looked down and there was a little boy, maybe 8 mo., propped up on my knee. I picked him up and about that time his mom came over. My Canadian friend Cameo came over also, she is fluent in Spanish, I am very not!
She spoke a bit with us, I couldn't catch much. I just noticed that Cameo kept repeating "No" and tears started streaming down her face. She took the boy from my arms and gave him back to Mom. Cameo then told me to go to the bus with her to make sandwiches. I was a little confused being that it wasn't lunch time, but went along with it knowing something was up. We made 6 pbj's and then went back to the gal. She handed her baby back to me, Cameo said no again, then some other stuff, then handed her the bag of food. Her jaw dropped. She looked at it, then up at us, the down again, then she looked at her son, and broke out in a loud sob, took her boy back into her arms, crying out something I could understand "Lo siento! Lo siento!" or "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
Our team leader Tim announced it was time for the drama, we walked away from the lady. I turned and said "What on earth was all that?!" Cameo said the lady's husband had been laid off, there was no money, and her baby had not eaten in over a day. She heard I was American and started pleading for me to take him and give him a better life in US. We gave her the food and she was so shocked that we actually cared, then she was horrified that she had just tried to give up her son. I was so blessed when I discovered another friend had a picture of the mom and child on facebook. Here it is.
That day that woman and her whole family were not only fed in the body but also in the spirit. She went back and got her whole family to come watch the drama, and they all came forward to receive Christ! All because of a simple friendly conversation, and a gesture of love with sandwiches on Cameo's part, now a family of 6 has found the eternal living hope of Jesus Christ. Just a little bit of love WILL make somebody's day. It made that family's, and mine!

I am living in the K Zone!

If you don't go to my church then you most likely don't understand the title. The pastor has been preaching that we live in this world but not according to its standard. While the world is in economic crisis, the people of God's kingdom still thrive. I am now living proof of that! I am getting near graduation(20days!!!)and I finally got off my lazy butt and decided to go look for a job. I went out for 3hrs one day and the next day I got a call for an interview. Friday I had an interview and they told me they had several to decide from but they would have a decision by the end of the day. Before I left the building, they came and told me I got the job!! In 2hrs I will be on my way to my first day of work!!
God is good to those who serve Him, and He shall provide their need. Let God move and He will move miraculously!
Blessings!
A working woman, Savanah ♥

Uncertain

That's pretty much how I can wrap up the state of my life right now, uncertain. I thought I was moving out of state, but I'm not. I thought I knew how I was paying for college, but I don't. I thought I knew exactly how my life was gonna go, oh boy! Now I laugh at even the thought. Ya know, when I was 12 I was convinced that by hi school I would have found fame as a superstar singer. Thought I'd be traveling the world finding wealth, fame, romance, adventure. I seriously went through the last quarter of 6th grade thinking my school work didn't matter because soon I would be famous and when you have fame...you don't get homework! Ha ha! Well let's just say I am glad that dream did not come true. So where am I now in reality? I don't really know!! I just found a good part time job working in a nursing home, I will be starting at community college in the fall, and yes...I graduate in 3WEEKS!!!!!! Key Club is over, sports games are over, school outings, dramatic hugs in the hall, and many relationships are now all over. School is near done! The week after that, the Relay for Life will also be over! I am at a point in my life where everything is ending. I now can only see work and church as my life. But I know that endings are just another word for new beginnings. New friends, new adventures, new jokes, and new priceless memories. Although the future is blurry, I do know great things are in store.
Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

What if tomorrow you're faced with the question, what would you say?

"Mark 8:35 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel’s, the same shall save it." "It was a test we could all hope to pass but none of us would want to take. Faced with the choice to deny God and live. For her there was one choice to make. What if tomorrow and what if today YOU're faced with the question, what would YOU say?"
Can you believe it has been 10yrs since the Columbine shooting?! I realize it has been a few days past the anniversary but I have been computerless. But I must write an entry about this date. I was only in the 2nd grade, but I remember so well the images on the news. What I remember the best is when I heard the song written about one of those killed. I was riding in the car with my mom to her eye doctor appointment when my favorite singer Michael W. Smith came on with his new song "This is your time". I heard him sing about a girl being faced with life or death and I asked my mom what he was talking about. She told me the story of a young high school student who struggled like every one else to live her life the best she could for God until the day she was killed after being told she would die if she was a Christian and having to answer yes or no. As my mom finished telling me the story, I heard the lyrics "What if tomorrow and what if today, you're faced with the question, what would you say?" I gasped! That statement would forever change my life. Cassie Bernall forever changed my life. People tried to teach me to appreciate every moment like it is my last, by giving examples of car accident or things like that, things more common. But it wasn't until I heard this story that it really hit me. This was just a normal girl in a school library catching up on schoolwork, when in a minute people started screaming, the next there was a gun in her face. I realized just how easy, how quickly, I could lose my life. This is what forever gave me my pro active personality. I remember being a little 8yr old, thinking to myself, I am gonna laugh like it's my last chance, I am gonna go on that ride like it's my last chance. When I was in 5th grade I ran a class fundraiser for the Red Cross, with the mentality, what if this is the last chance I ever have to do good. Even as the years came and went that I knew I would say no if faced with the question, I still knew people besides Christians died in shootings. Now I know shootings are on the rare side, but just think about it, if it did, are you ready? Would you go to heaven? Would you be pleased with the life you lived? Would you have the faith to say yes? So I will leave you with the words of MWS, and challenge you with what has been my life's motivation the last 10yrs. This is your time, this is your dance, live every moment, leave nothing to chance. Swim in the sea, drink of the deep, embrace the mystery of all you can be,THIS IS YOUR TIME.

Just let it go and laugh!!

I realize I am on kinda a youtube posting rant tonight, but here is another one I found. Just reminded me, yes work may be hard, school may be tough, and many other situations may stress us out, we need not to forget to allow a little time in our busy schedules for some joy and silliness. I am finding more and more that little children are some of the best teachers in the world. They don't care when a camera is on them, who laughs at them, or what mission they must accomplish next, but what will I do this moment to make life the best it possibly can be.

Shout to the Lord

A video I found that gave me chills and got me a tad misty eyed. It's always moving to see children inlove with Jesus, singing their praise.




“Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

“Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea.

Sickies and ickies

Don't ya just hate it when some one comes to you and says "Oh man I feel like crap, I am so sick!" *cough cough sniff sniff*
Man! It makes me almost mad! Why do you go to school(or work) when you know you are sick?! It's like a ticking time bomb. Hi I am sick and I know you want to join me. So scoot over a little closer and let me wipe my germs all over you.
There are these two girls at my school, one in history class, the other in English. The one comes to school barely conscious, and sleeps through the whole class. The other comes and can barely speak because her nose is so clogged and her throat is so sore. I ask both of them why they are even here. I am thinking in my head, it must be because they want to spread their sickness, since that's all they really are doing! And I get the same response from both of them, "Oh *cough cough* I uh *sniff* I don't want to get behind in the lessons."
Why would you think that?!!!! One is just staring in a daze, the other is literally asleep with her head on the desk, you're gonna be behind anyway because you aren't learning anything when you are that out of your mind. GO HOME AND LEAVE YOUR GERMS TO YOURSELF!!!!!!
When you go to school sick you are not saving your grade because you aren't really learning the lesson, doing good on a test, or keeping up in your school work. When you go to work sick, you aren't preventing getting behind. You are not fuctioning correctly so you will not be able to do anything the best you can. All you are doing is wearing out your body, and giving your germs to every one else!
Did I mention I am home sick today?!

I am in the rain -A child taken by child abuse

The birds are singing, there are children swinging;
The wind is blowing, and the sun is showing.
There’s love and laughter everywhere;
A sweet scent is in the air.
But still you are away in your home;
A smile on your face has never shown.
I can see your pain, but can’t you hear my laughter;
I am in the rain.
You used to tell me when you were gone I should feel no pain for you would be in the rain.
But then times changed;
I was taken before you.
Now you cry everyday;
But have no fear for I am here.
I will hold you in your darkest coldest night.
You used to say I was crazy;
I’d run in the rain and laugh and laugh.
Though you thought I was crazy, you would come and join;
And we would laugh together.
You were always there for me;
Forever and ever.
Now that I’m gone please share this one last treasure.
Go out into the rain and laugh again;
And know that I am with you until the very end


-written by me(savanah)

Missing you today baby Kayla

One of the down sides of caring so much about people, is that it means my heart gets broken more. Three years ago at the end of my Freshman year, our Key Club advisor said the Kiwanis were having a team for the Relay for Life and they would like some of the Key Club to participate. I had just finished fundraising for the March of Dimes and figured I didn't want to again just a week or two later. Besides, walking around a track the whole night to raise money for cancer research, that's just CRAZY!!! I put it out of my mind for the next two months. One night my mother got a phone call. It was her brother, Chuck. He had called to inform us he had been diagnosed with cancer. Devastated, I laid in bed that night thinking about all the people cancer had taken away from me. A 14yr old schoolmate, 3 teachers, a friends mom, my grandpa, all gone due to this horrible disease! I wanted to do something, any thing, so stop it from doing the same to my beloved uncle, because, one thing my uncle did not have that all the others I lost had, he did not have God. I feared if I lost him now, I would never see him again. A few days later I went to another Key Club event and I got lost in conversation with this awesome Kiwanis lady. I opened up to her about how upset I was because we just found out my uncle had cancer. She asked me if I was participating in the R4L. I had completely forgotten! I knew then this was the way I was going to do my part! I went through out the next week around town door to door asking for donations, and by the Saturday of the relay, I had near $300! And let me tell ya, it was one of the best events I have ever gone to! R4L became a passion of mine. The next year I started our own team, the next year I was on the town planning committee. In Febuary of 2007, I went to an American Cancer Society forum, where you can get help for R4L from others in the same position as you. I met a lady named Julie Weber. Her infant daughter, Kayla, had been diagnosed with Neuroblastoma. I began to follow Kayla's story very closely and she completely won my heart. Julie sent newsletters, I became friends on myspace and got to see more photos almost weekly of her progress, and I found myself wanting more and more by the day to see her grow up healthy. She went through a stage where is was a close call, but she made it through! Every day her numbers got better and better, in September, they were about ready to declare her cancer free.
Kayla became unusually cranky, now a year old, every one told her mom that was normal for her age. Julie's gut told her differently though. She finally made an appointment with the doctor, and when they investigated, 16 new cancerous tumors were found through out her urinary tract. It was so crushing, every one's hopes had been built up so high, hearing she's getting better, and better, and better, to all of a sudden hear, it's bad, it's very bad. December 2, 2007 Kayla died.
It just loses me, how can this happen. Kayla was born in August and was diagnosed only 3 months later to have cancer! I never knew it was possible to get it that young! And now, it didn't only get her, it took her away! When I hear stories of children with bad birth defects, of children severely abused, then taken back to heaven, I comfort myself with the thought that God took them to save them from a terrible life. I can't do that with Kayla though, she was in a perfect story! High school sweethearts married for a few years, all settled into their careers decide it's time to start a family. They have the love to provide, and the shelter a child needs. Children are never supposed to die, but why do they die when they had a good life I just can't wrap my mind around it! I realize she was taken to ease her pain of being sick, but how or why she ever got sick I can't understand. There are some things in life I will never understand. One thing I do know is that I have to thank Kayla. She opened my eyes to how bad cancer is, and how it chooses any one. She has given me my mission, to stop childhood cancer! I don't know why I chose this for today, I just for some reason really missing her today

"I just want to be normal!"

What really defines normal? There was a crazy guy sitting on a park bench ranting and rambling about how it is the end of the world. Another guy sits down and listens for a while, then gets up and walks away, leans over to his imaginary friend, "Well that guy sure is weird."
There are so many different views of normal. One mother goes to work every day and says having children shouldn't stop her from being all she can be in the working world, like kids are a side job. Then there is another mother, who stays at home, even though her kids are in high school now and don't need things toddlers need. She says being a mother is first priority, and once you have children they should be your only concern, that is when your career should end. Both women think the other is wrong, they think their way of life is right...is normal. And there are so many sub normals with in the normals. The stay-at-home mom, does she quit the moment she finds out she is pregnant, or just when maternity leave comes? What about going back to work? Does she never, or once the kids are in school, or after they have gradauted? The working mom...does she put them in day care? If so how long after, days, weeks, months, or years? When do you quit? Once you are a grandma, or wait until your body is just too worn out to go another day?
Every person in every one of these positions says there way of life is normal. One person sees me, I spend countless hours volunteering in the community, and says why am I spending so much time tending to others needs when I have my own. Another person would see me and say to me that they wish they were more like me, and commend me for my hard work. And yet others, seeing what I don't do, would say I am lazy, and should be doing more. When some one heard I was going to Peru last year, they asked me who I was touring with. I told them I was going with Focus on the Family, but it was a missionary trip not touring. They were appalled! "How stupid are you?!" They exclaimed. "I understand you want to see the world and learn all about it. But paying $3000 to go live in poor, dirty, unpleasant conditions and have to sweat and work your butt off for no pay. That's just a waste of time and stupid waste of money!" They tried to talk me out of it bringing up points that I should be out there living life to the fullest. Swimming in the sea, seeing the ancient castles, eating the best food, shopping in the most famous malls. I have done those things, and they are fun but have more downs than ups. Swim in the sea, it's cold! Ancient castles, big scary oh yeah and cold! Eating best food, I get fat! Shopping in famous malls, I lose all my money on one cheesy trinket! When I toured Europe I was miserable, wishing I was there on a missions trip to help all the hurting people I saw. All touring did for me was show me that I never want to "waste" my money on seeing old buildings and art that will have no effect on lives of others and my own. But she thought it would have a more positive effect on my life than being around a bunch of poor people.
To me her statement is weird, to her it's normal. To her my way of life is weird, I say it's normal!
Reminds me of our fez last year, Long. He saw a kid eating a hot dog and was disgusted. He screamed "No no no! Don't put it in your mouth! Why, why would you do that?! Why!!!!" While I tend to agree with him...he once asked why our school kitchen doesn't serve opticals. "Glasses?" We thought. But he explained in his homeland of Vietnam, animal eyes are a come part of a meal. We all had near the same reaction as he had to hot dogs. And he was just as baffled as we were to his disgust over hot dogs. Hot dogs are normal to us, eyes are normal to him.
If there were a rule book to life (besides the bible) that listed out every single situation and said what is normal, and what is weird, I may be the weirdest person on earth, but to me...I am normal! But the thing is, God created us all different for a reason, and being that we are all different, we all have different views of normal. I think that is why God didn't write a book saying who was right in every situation. He gave us what we need to live in harmony with each other. He gave us love, joy, peace, patience, faith, gentleness, and self-control. There are only 10 true normals(who's right in this situation) that he gives us. Even those are there to help us live in harmony.
God made us stones, we only can fit in certain spots that he has formed us to fit into. Not bricks, every one like the other one, not making a difference which goes where. That would mean none of us are special to Him, it would make us boring!
So when I hear people say they wanna be normal, or just want to live a normal life, I say sorry hun, it's never gonna happen! No human being will ever be normal. I never want to be normal, cuz that would make me very weird!

Jett Travolta son of Jonh Travolta died this morning

So very sad when ever some one dies under the age of 70. Here is a video I made of his life, and below that is the clip I read to find out the sad news. I chose the song "Wish you were here" thinking how wonderful it would be if John and Kelly could meet him in heaven some day. I love the line "Just hold on to Jesus reach out for his hand and one day they welcome you home" Maybe this will be a beginning of a change for the Travolta's. Jett was autistic and innocent, therefore I believe he is in heaven right now. Running with the angels on streets made of gold and listening to stories of saints new and old.



John Travolta's teenage son, Jett, died in the Bahamas after falling ill and hitting his head at his family's vacation home, police said Friday. A house caretaker found Jett, 16, unconscious in a bathroom late Friday morning. He was taken by ambulance to a Freeport hospital, where he was pronounced dead, according to a statement from chief police superintendent Basil Rahming.

The teenager had last been seen going into the bathroom on Thursday and had a history of seizures, according to the statement. Police said they are planning an autopsy to determine the cause of death.

Another police spokeswoman, Loretta Mackey, said Jett apparently hit his head on the bathtub.

A spokeswoman for Rand Memorial Hospital in Freeport said she could not release any information because of privacy concerns.

Jett was the oldest child of Travolta and his wife, actress Kelly Preston, who also have an 8-year-old daughter. The family arrived on a private plane Tuesday and had been vacationing at their home in the Old Bahama Bay resort community.

First entry for 2009 It's a new time!

Today, I just felt impressed to post the lyrics to this song... It seems to fit today.
New Day by Avalon:

Chorus:
It's a new day,
Oh, it's a new time
And there's a new way,
I'm gonna live my life
All the old has passed away
And the new has come
Thank God, it's a brand new day

Lookin' back at yesterday,
There are things that I regret
But I put the past behind me
And I never will forget
You have covered my mistakes,
And my broken dreams
Now over the horizon
I see the dawn is drawing near
And I realize the sun did rise
Tomorrow's finally here

Chorus:
And it's a New Day,
Oh, it's a new time
And there's a new way,
I'm gonna live my life
All the old has passed away
And the new has come
Thank God, it's a brand new day

Now when I wake up thinkin'
Of the things I've done before
Memories I could not escape
Well they can't haunt me anymore
Now I can hold my head up high
'Cause I am not the same
You've changed my whole perspective
And with new eyes I see
I've become a new creation
'Cause of what you've done for me

Chorus:
It's a New Day,
Oh, it's a new time
And there's a new way
I'm gonna live my life
All the old has passed away
And the new has come
Thank God, it's a brand new day


Cause of what you've done for me
Now I am not ashamed
This heart of mine is finally free
And I will never be the same!

'Cause it's a New Day,
Yeah, it's a new time
And there's a new way
I'm gonna live my life
All the old has passed away
And the new has come
Thank God, it's a brand new day