Why am I here? It's a question I have been pondering non stop lately. It has always been the plan for me to move to Africa, ALWAYS. I was 4yrs old at my aunt Teri's house when I saw an add for saving the starving african children, when my aunt explained to me what a missionary was, and when decided some day it would be me. So around 6th grade I made up in my mind that nursing was what would get me there. I held on to that plan all through high school. Then college came, I failed my first term. Nursing was out of the picture after that. It is not possible, and even if it was, I have no desire for it. So I went and talked to my adviser, who knows nothing of the history of my dream, and she suggested journalism based on what I actually like to do. I was excited about it, but when the excitement wore off, I am left thinking, if I get into this, I will end up in a desk job half my life. I don't want that, I want to be out living the dream everyday. So now I have reached the point where I am asking, why am I still here? Why am I not in Africa? There is loads of things I can do with out college education, and besides, there isn't much I can do with the area of study I am doing. So what do I do? I am losing my desire to be in school, I just want to find an organization that can support me, and I want to go be in Africa. So, why am I still here in oregon, wishing my life away with full time school, part time waitressing, and no time in the week for church. Why am I not out there, feeding the starving, bringing hope to the hopeless, rocking the orphans to sleep. I feel I am stuck in a rut, and it is just about time to get out. I don't know how I am getting there, but I do not want it to take much longer. I am tired of wondering, Lord please tell me, why am I here, and not where my heart is?
2 comments:
Africa Bound Chick.
That means something Anna.
You WILL get there.
God knows the desires burning in your heart.
He will help you, and i'm praying that one day(hopefully soon) you'll get your chance to hold an African orphan, and make their life 100% better through your smile.
i love you
So I read your post and I see how much you talk about that "plan", what you want, what you think you are supposed to do. And don't get me wrong, wanting to serve in Africa is a beautiful and self-less thing, but I think you are forgetting about one thing - God. What is God calling you to do? It seems like you tried nursing and now journalism just desperatly trying to find a way to get to africa, but if God is calling you there, then he will provide a way. Surrender your life to him, instead of trying to do it all on your own. Ask God if Africa is really where you are meant to be and if not, what you should do next. And if he confirms that YES you are meant to, then he is going to show you what you need to do. And if the anwser is no, then God is going to provide you with an equally fufilling and beautiful life.
Savannah, you are such a beautiful young woman with a heart for God. You have had a difficult life, yet the light inside your heart is a constant inspiration.
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