25 things to do at Walmart

I have been working at a place across the street from Walmart for two years. That being, I have spent much of my break killing time in wally. Walmart is one of my most favorite places in the world because I am always guaranteed to laugh at something; whether it be the price of a product or the person buying the product.
I have compiled a list of things I have thought of doing. Sadly I must confess I have not yet done any of them.
Here we go!


1. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying “Good girl, good Nettie."
2. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially in thin narrow aisles.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
4. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes as high as possible.
5. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
6. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
7. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day
8. Change all the clocks in the isle to be an hour off. (It will make other patrons internal clock be off the rest of the day.)
9. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
10. Grab stickers that say “radioactive" and put them randomly on food items.
11. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
12. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
13. Say thing like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
14. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices
15. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they don't realize it.

16. When people aren't looking, put tampons in their carts if they are a guy, or if they are a girl, put in a jock strap.
17. Rearrange items as you see fit.
18. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
20. Put M & M's on layaway.
21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
23. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
24. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
25. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.